Winter is coming for President Donald Trump. As he signs executive orders and makes presidential memoranda, snowflakes gather closer and closer together, becoming colder and bigger by the second. Below is a compiled list of all the snowflakes refusing to melt.
- Affordable Care Act (ACA)
Hours after President Trump took office, this snowflake broke out in shingles. Why? The new president began the process of reforming and, eventually, repealing “Obamacare.” The order, small as it may seem, allows the new secretary of health and human services and other federal agencies to “interpret regulations as loosely as possible to minimize the financial ‘burden’ on individuals, insurers, health care providers and others.” The president is urging his policy makers, and stressing out this snowflake, to work relentlessly to draft a piece of legislation to oppose “Obamacare” so that he can repeal the ACA as soon as possible.
2. Global Gag Rule
The pattern of undoing and redoing the “Mexico City” abortion policy began with President Ronald Reagan and continued with the 45th president. The policy bans federal funds from being used to support organizations that provide counseling to women on family planning when abortion is a medical option or even just mentioned in consults. After reading this on Twitter, the snowflake below rose up in an uproar, whipped off its purple blanket, and began calling all its elected officials. Wishing it could do more, the snowflake donated to the International Planned Parenthood Federation.
3. Dakota Access and Keystone XL Pipelines.
When Trump informed the public that he plans to personally renegotiate the Dakota Access Pipeline and the Keystone XL pipelines, this snowflake, an environmental activist, was livid. It had just spent months with the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe and had fought against the Keystone XL pipeline in 2015 . . . now the president wants to test this snowflake and its people again? Over its puddle body.
4. The Wall
This bristling snowflake below commented an angry face on its friend’s Facebook post about President Trump’s plan to actually construct a 1,900-mile long wall along the border with Mexico. It immediately went and retweeted former President of Mexico Vicente Fox’s tweets against the border wall; all the while questioning why the Trump administration is working relentlessly to find money for a wall but cannot find a proper education secretary.
5. The Muslim Ban
President Donald Trump carelessly ordered an indefinite ban on Syrian refugees, a 120-day ban on all other refugees and a 90-day ban on visitors from Iraq, Syria, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen. Snowflakes from all over quickly swarmed together and blew into airports. A few snowflakes representing the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) even sued, resulting in a New York federal court issuing an “emergency stay on President Trump’s executive order banning immigration from seven predominantly Muslim countries.” This, however, was not enough for some law enforcement as people were still being detained. Hundreds of snowflakes flew to the rescue, defending those being detained pro bono and protesting within the airports for hours on end.
Sally Yates, a proud snowflake and U.S. attorney general, refused to defend the executive order and joined the blizzard rushing toward the White House instead; eminently resulting in the termination of her position.
If the three million snowflakes who wore pussy hats and marched across the world and the yet-to-be determined number of protesters and attorneys filling airports at this very moment are any idea of what’s to come … well, President Trump better find a way to stay warm.