6 reasons why aliens won’t invade planet Earth

There is no doubt that there are other life forms chillin’ out somewhere in the universe. But it is often up for debate as to if our little alien friends would ever pay a visit to planet Earth. The answer is no; aliens want nothing to do with us “earthlings”. Not only do they not want to get involved in the hot mess that is the current political climate, but aliens just have better sh*t to do.

AXGJXF Alien Encounter
  1. Meet Gringo, Sid, and Lucii. Here is a photograph of them doing research on pine trees on their home planet, HerbDerb. Our three little botantist alien friends are tree lovers. They despise the people of Earth for destroying so many trees and ecosystems. Gringo, Sid, and Lucii would much rather spend time working on their favorite hobby than visit a place that treats nature so horribly.
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2. Next meet Lenny, Grr, and their child Babel. Lenny and Grr are far too busy raising a child to even think about invading another planet. And little Babel is still wearing a seat belt, so clearly he won’t be participating in any planet takeovers anytime soon.

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3. Fonny and Nonny are cat sitting this weekend so no alien invasions for them. =/

1000+ ideas about Aliens on Pinterest

4. Booppy prefers to mess with planet Earth at her local arcade. With this UFO gaming device, she can abduct cows and any other creatures that she pleases, without setting a foot on Earth.

Pizza, Aliens and Love on Pinterest

5. This picture is pretty self explanatory. Dingy has pizza. Why invade another planet when you have pizza??

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6. Finally, we have Neep, Nop, Lurb, and Eek. They find joy in token up and making fun of the idiots that inhabit planet Earth.

“Can you really believe that they ACTUALLY elected a giant cheeto to run a country?! Smh.” Eek exclaims as he passes his intergalactic bong to Neep.

No need to visit such a horrific place when you can laugh about it with your pals in your peaceful homeland.

So there you have it. Aliens don’t need to waste their time trying to takeover a planet that is already self destructing. They would rather just sit back and watch the show.

8 dogs that have had enough of your sh*t

Admit it. We’ve all teased our four-legged friends here and there, whether it be a faux ball throw or grabbing their tails. But you know it’s gone too far when your dog starts to look like De Niro on a Monday morning. (Just guessing here, but you get the image.) Here are 8 canines that have a real bone to pick with their soon-to-be former owners.

1. The Switcharoo

Photo via Flickr/waldopepper

“Nah, that’s cool. Lure me in with a solid kibble shake then snag me with the leash. Joke’s on you – I’m holding this one in for that first bite of pizza you ordered.”

Ding dong.

2. Christmas Joy

Photo via Pixabay/evastupica

Meet Joy. She is 8 years old, has two boys and a supreme hatred of both fields and hats. Every year, Christmas comes and she just stops giving a damn. This is why her existential crises haunt her.

3. On fleek

Photo via Flickr/-kasey-

Oh, boy. Roberta did not ask for this, and nor did she want it. As far as she’s concerned, her owners can envy-cry over the Kardashians alone tonight.

4. Why?

Photo via Flickr/Drew Mokris

5. One big letdown

Photo via Flickr/Randi Deuro

You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? Tom had his sights set on Malibu this year. He would have settled for the standard half-assed dinner at Chili’s, but no. Party hats and a “quiet dinner at home with the kids,” will just have to suffice.

That’s okay though. Thanks to your years of incessant “cute talk,” he’s already dead inside.

6. A walk in the park

Photo via Flickr/wombatarama

Craig was sure he heard her say “scenic” when she mentioned the walk. “Given the utterly disappointing aesthetics I have thus far encountered, I’m baffled she even knows the word.” What has lead her to believe anything this common and mundane could even be considered photo worthy?

No matter. Greg has his eye on the squirrel carcass just 2 meters away from being his family’s next pillow-present.

Craig: “Do it.”

7. The classic

Photo via Flickr/Monster

Ah, yes. This.

As if this didn’t haunt every dog’s waking moments. Either you throw the ball or you don’t, man. We can’t read your mind. And your insufferable laughter following our chasing of the ball you didn’t throw? That’s not impressive. We’re still dogs.

8. You pushed too far.

Photo via Max Pixel

Here we go. I knew this day would come. You just pushed Ivan too far. He agreed to check his temper if you didn’t bring up his past in the dog park anymore. You remember, the “tail painting” incident? Except the paint wasn’t paint?

Yeah. He wasn’t proud of that. But you had to mention it in front of his girl, didn’t you? Well now, ironically, he’s heading somewhere two letters away from the sandwich that started this mess. Don’t even worry about how he packed his bags, or how he’s getting to Germany by car. He’s gone.

Probably rooftopping in Tokyo by now. He’ll send postcards, though, I’m sure.

 

Elderly tourists that are #goals

In a sea of Millennials who are known for their desire to experience life through traveling vacations, the elderly Baby Boomers are somewhat overshadowed.

However, it is these elderly tourists who prove that you can still enjoy vacations and rock a pair of Depends. Not only are they smiling with few to no teeth, they seemingly make the most of their vacation experience as they joke that they’re almost dead anyways.

With a fanny pack, glasses larger than life, and the struggle of traveling with close to zero knowledge of how to work their smart phone, they feel more alive than ever.

It may be easy to mock their ways, yet, they are the very people that we someday aspire to be. 

So meet some of elderly folks who will serenade you with a, “Back in my day…” while snapping selfies at tourist hot spots to send to their grandkids.

1. Dorris and Earl

“Old tourist couple | Cascais, Portugal | Flickr| By: pedrosimoes7”

They’ve been married for 42 years and Earl still refuses to ask for directions. Repeatedly, Dorris has recommended they call their grand-daughter Lacey to help them use this thing called “Google Maps” but Dorris struggles with understanding what an app is.

Earl has been complaining for 15 minutes that he can’t figure out where they are in relation to the art museum but he remains persistent because Dorris will ignore him at dinner if she doesn’t get to see her favorite Monet painting.

2. Eugene

“Geography – Wikipedia | By: Beyond silence”

Eugene is a retired computer engineer who has picked up a knack for photography. Though the camera he’s using has been considered obsolete for 9 years now, he insists that it takes the best photos out there. He has plenty of film that he intends to develop one day, but for now it just sits in his suitcase.

He may never impress his ex wife with his new found hobby, but he sure does have something new to talk about at his upcoming golf outing once he returns from vacation.

3. Eileen 

“File: Tourists on an open-top bus tour of Paris, France.jpg | Wikimedia Commons | By: zoetnet”

Eileen did not live her entire life to have her view of the Arc de Triumph blocked by other tourists. She’s got her bright pink jump suit on despite the dismay of the travel agent who warned her of attracting the attention of thieves.

She’s frustrated the French speak French when she’s certain they know English and don’t even get her started on how ridiculously warm today has been.

Oh, and next to her is John, her husband, who has learned that after many years, it’s best to let her be.

4. Joan and Murray

“Free photo Driver Auto Tourists Mini Car | Google Images | By: hurk”

When approaching this couple to get some insight on their life story, the lady barked that her name was Joan telling me that I interrupted her conversation with her boyfriend Murray.

From the looks of it, he likes when she gets feisty. 

5. Pearl

“File: Granma Granma.jpg | Wikimedia Commons | By: Granma”

She’s 82 years old and her dream has always been to visit Ocean World. Pearl still giggles at the sound of the word ‘cowabunga’ and loves the memories of visiting the beach as a child.

She may be widowed but is surrounded by her loving family of three children and 7 grandkids. This photo was the highlight of her vacation because she got up on the surfboard all by herself. And of course, she’s wearing her favorite floral sweater.

She keeps reminding everyone that complaining about the heat is a ‘you problem’.

As you can see, old age takes #goals in a variety of forms, wrinkles and all.

7 dogs that are better at life than most Americans

Many dogs are looked at as “A man’s best friend.” However, it never seems to occur to anyone that dogs live life better than most people. Not all  dogs care to play the role of the “best friend”. Here are some images of dogs being “The Man”.

  1. George
Photo via Google Images

Most Americans complain about finding the time to workout. Instead of talking about it, George decides to be about it. He squeezes in cardio while the kids take their afternoon nap.

2. Max

Gif via Google Images

Unlike most Americans, Max researches both sides of political issues and keeps his opinions to himself. Instead of posting a status on Facebook for his 367 friends to not read.

3.Ryan

Photo via Google Images

Many people refer to America as the land of opportunity; a place where dreams come true. But so many Americans give up on their dreams. Not Ryan though, he took surf lessons for six months before moving to Florida so he could spend his weekends doing what he loves.

4. Michael

Photo via Google Images

In today’s world, people can’t seem to put down the phone. However, Michael can’t relate. His car has a blue tooth car stereo that is voice activated. When he passes people texting while driving, he laughs as he sees them risking their own lives. “What stupid Americans,” he thinks, all the while never taking his paw off the wheel.

5. Ron

Photo via Google Images

The kids were begging Ron for a pool. Instead of buying a crappy, above-ground pool, similar to the one in their neighbor’s yard, Ron decided to rent an Excavator and do the job himself. He plans on the in-ground pool being done in a few months. What a good dad.

6. Tim

Photo via Google Images

For all the women who complain about their boyfriends not doing enough nice gestures for them, find yourself a new man. Tim holds down the water fountain button for this girl. Chivalry is not dead.

7. Mark

Photo via Google Images

Mark came across “couple goals” on social media the other day. He saw so many posts about boyfriends taking pictures of their girlfriends, a thing Americans refer to as “candids”. Mark decided to up the ante. He went and bought a complete set of film equipment to video tape his wife doing every-day things. He only shoots the best angles of her in the best lightening. Only a dog can be so thoughtful. Talk about goals.

5 fashion styles straight men don’t understand

Don’t ask straight men for fashion advice. They just don’t get it. When you feel really good about wearing a fur coat or carrying a designer handbag, check out what straight men think about your fashion sense.

  1. Fur coat

This is what you think you look like when you wear a fur coat.

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(Flickr, Kostya Romantikov)

This is how straight men react: Why do you dress up like a fluffy animal?

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(Google Images)

  1. Leather pants

You feel strong and confident when you wear a pair of leather pants.

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(Flickr, Outi Pyy)

Straight men say: Awesome Halloween costume.

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(Flickr, Annie Fischinger)

  1. High heels

You figure there is nothing sexier than a pair of super high heels.

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(Flickr, See-ming Lee)

Straight men wonder when you are going to trip and fall.

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(Flickr, Phil Kates)

  1. Smoky-eye makeup

This is what you think about your smoky-eye look.

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(Google Images)

This is what straight men think: Isn’t she a panda?

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(Google Images)

  1. Attitude towards luxury

This is how you feel when you buy a designer product.

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(Flickr, CHRISTOPHER DOMBRES)

This is how straight men feel when they read the price tag.

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(Flickr, debra)