There’s this notion that a temperate climate — a little bit of warmth here, a little bit of sun there — gives way to great fashion.
If weather allows you to wear ankle boots with a sun dress and a wool hat, you can essentially quit your otherwise normal life to become The Next Big Blogger. You broke the mold. You mixed fabric weights. You wore a beanie with shorts. Someone should pay you (or the California climate you exist in) for your unmatched genius.
Here’s the thing: That’s bullshit. A temperate climate means living in a world where you’re always too hot or too cold, and consistently making the wrong fashion choices. People that wear boots with sleeveless dresses are never truly happy — just left with a confused body temperature and no sense of time or place.
If we all wanted to be fashionable, we’d move to somewhere truly freezing. A miserable-range of freezing doesn’t allow you to make any fashion choices. You can wear a 400-pound down jacket with four pairs of leggings underneath, as long as its all a mildly attractive color, you win.
Not quite sold? Let me give you a few reasons why I’m right.
This is literally an excuse to wear a blanket to class and have no one judge you. You get to call this lazy excuse for an accessory “fashion.” You could swathe an infant child in it, but you instead chose to wear it around your neck. People applaud you for it. What could be better?
I’m from Michigan, where it’s unbearably cold a good portion of the year. That’s why I even know about jackets this huge and puffy. It’s necessary for life, but also a perfectly good reason to wear what would otherwise be a sleeping bag around your shoulders.
Boots with the fur
More than a line in a song by our generation’s songbird, Flo Rida, “boots with the fur” (let’s use Ugg boots as an example) are basically like wearing slippers all winter long. Again, one of those weird things were you get to pretend this looks good for a few months for the sake of warmth. Way better than sandals.
‘Nuff said. These guys should be worn all year ’round. They’re the perfect excuse to not send any emails, check your phone or do any heavy lifting. You’re basically useless while wearing mittens. It’s a beautiful and rare thing.
Beanies big enough to pull over your entire head
Bad hair days don’t exist mid-November – late Match. Nobody can even tell if you’ve showered or not. Know why? You’re covering your entire head with a magic piece of wool that cost (hopefully) $10 at Forever 21. During the summer, you’d have to shower once or twice a day just to exit the sweat swamp you’re living in and look remotely attractive.
We all look the same
Winter weather bonds us in our misery and our affinity for clothes we actually bought from Costco just to survive. That’s so beautiful.